B”H
Meir Backman's UPSHERNISH!
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The following was the Booklet given out at Meir's Upshernish...
This booklet consists of Insights, Laws & Customs on this Milestone in a Child’s Education
In Honor of
Tzvi Meir Backman
On his Upsherenish (haircut celebration)
18 Kislev 5769 ~ December 14, 2008
What is An Upshernish?
It is a long-standing custom for parents to let their sons' hair grow and cut it for the first time at the age of three. Exactly when this custom started is unclear. The students of the Kabalistic sage, the AriZal (Rabbi Isaac Luria) (1534-1572) relate that he took his son to the grave of Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, the author of the Zohar, in Meron (near the City of Safed in Israel) for this ceremony. They do not speak of the Ari's act as an innovation he initiated, but rather as his adherence to an ancient and revered custom. Significantly, this practice is observed in both Sephardic and Ashkenazi communities.
The ceremony is intended to train a child to observe the mitzvah of peyos, however it is considered as the initial phase of a child's conscious Jewish education, carrying far greater significance than the observance of this particular prohibition.
Our Rabbis draw a connection between this custom and several other mitzvahs. For example, a connection is drawn to the mitzvah of orlah, the prohibition against benefiting from the fruits that grow in the first three years of a tree's life. In the fourth year, by contrast, the happy farmer takes his harvest to Jerusalem, to partake of it in an environment of holiness.
The Rebbe instituted the custom of holding the upsherinish on the day of the child's third birthday itself, not before or not afterwards. When asked if it was better to wait until an "auspicious day," he commented that "Since it is Jewish custom to hold an upsherinish when the child reaches the age of three, this is 'a good an auspicious hour.'
What is done?
It is customary to hold - or at least start - the upsherinish in a holy setting, in a synagogue or a house of study. Relatives and friends of the family are invited to participate, for it is customary to hold the celebration with many people, recalling the verse: "The glory of the King is among the multitude of people."
The child should wear tzitzis for this ceremony. A person of spiritual stature is asked to be the first to snip off a lock of the child's hair. On one occasion, the Rebbe advised that the first person to cut the hair s
hould be a Kohen, then a Levi, and then, a Yisroel. Afterwards, each of the people in attendance may be given a turn.
The Rebbe would begin by cutting the hair near the peyos, close to the child's ear. The rationale appears that since the purpose of the custom is to train the child to observe the mitzvah of not shaving his peyos, the cutting should begin there. (It’s also a custom to start snipping in front of the head where the tefilin will one day be placed.)
Some mark the occasion with a celebratory feast. At the very least, pastry and L'Chayims should be served. The child should be given an opportunity to recite blessings. Many enhance the celebration with song and music.
Insights ~ Upshernish at Three Years old
The Torah compares man to a tree. Both a tree and a person grow from a small seed, and with nurture and care reach maturity and bear fruit. During the first three years of a tree’s life, its fruit may not be cut for use. Similarly a boy’s hair is not cut during his first three years.
Jewish tradition recognizes and celebrates various stages of spiritual growth in the human life cycle, as they correspond to the body’s biological growth and maturity. A child’s education really begins at birth. However, during the first three years of his life, a child’s schooling remains relatively informal.
Upon reaching the age of three his education begins to take on a formal structure. At the age when our forefather Abraham first concluded that there must be a Creator (three years old), a child begins to truly learn and to develop a love for G-d, for the Torah and for his people. (Please note that since it was our Matriarch Rebecca who started lighting Shabbat Candles at age 3, It is the custom for girls to begin lighting Shabbat & Holiday Candles at age Three.)
“Upshernish” is the traditional first haircut for boys upon reaching the age of three. At this occasion the child is introduced to the Mitzvoth of ‘payos’ (leaving side locks), and wearing a Tallis Katan (tzitzit). Thus marking the formal introduction to Jewish education.
Although a child's character is being molded from his earliest age, an entirely new phase begins when the child's intellect begins to blossom. The effects of the influences to which the parents have exposed the child over the years without his conscious input are then given a chance to flourish. He begins tapping and channeling the reservoir of positive energy that has been building up over the course of time. In this process, the age of three reflects a significant plateau. At this age, by and large, a child can think in sentences. He or she can comprehend a story. He is aware of his own identity and that of the people around him. As he or she reaches this stage of conceptual development, his or her Chinuch is lifted to a higher rung. From this time onward, not only is the child being educated, he or she takes a participatory role in his or her process of education.
For a boy, two events are celebrated to mark the initiation of this new phase: Upsherinish and Areinfirinish. The upsherinish marks the child's first haircut. Until this age, his hair is allowed to grow untouched. Similarly, from this time onward, the child is trained to wear a yarmulke and tzitzis (both Mitzvoth) in a consistent manner. What is the point of these practices? It's like putting on a uniform, using an external code of dress to proclaim your identity. In this way, a child appreciates and makes a statement that he is part of something that is larger than himself. In a very tangible and obvious way, he expresses his commitment to his Jewish heritage.
The areinfirinish marks a boy's entry into a Jewish School. He begins study, learning the letters of the alef-beis (Hebrew Alphabet). This is the first step of his formal intellectual training. He is taught to develop his mind in an environment of holiness on the foundations of faith. Both of these events are carried out with a traditional ceremony. The departure from the norm enables the child to appreciate that he is entering a new phase of life. The unique practices make him realize that he is embarking on a new and different stage of development and help him take these changes seriously.
Both of these events are experienced amidst joyful celebration. For happiness opens gateways in the spiritual realms, arousing Divine influences that contribute to the success of the child's education. This enables him to take his place in perpetuating our people's glorious tradition, adding one more link in the golden chain of our Jewish heritage, and preparing him to proceed to our people's ultimate celebration, the coming of Mashiach. May this take place in the immediate future.
Story - Upshernish - A Personal Story by Deena Yellin
Not long ago, my husband and I planted a tree. We watered it and provided it with light and sustenance. We dreamed of the day when it would reach maturity and tower over us. But as we nurtured our crop and watched it grow, the unexpected happened. We too began to develop and blossom. That tree is our three-year-old son. And just as Jewish law requires a farmer to leave a newly planted tree unharvested for the first three years as a gift to G-d, we left our son's hair untouched. Recently, we celebrated his upsherin, in which we cut his hair for the first time. Although I had longed for the day when I would not have to battle his unruly curls, I approached the milestone with reluctance. An upsherin, which literally means "shear off" in Yiddish, marks the beginning of a child's formal Jewish education. But it also marks the end of his babyhood. When my husband first told me of his family's observance, I produced a myriad of arguments. I wanted a cherubic looking baby with neatly cropped hair and didn't have time for grooming long tangled hair. Besides, the custom clashed with my modern sensibilities. Such traditions are more appropriate for ultra-Orthodox Jews in tightly insulated communities where everyone adheres to a rigid brand of Judaism. How would I explain his appearance? Everyone would mistake him for a girl. But I also marveled that the tradition has been carried down through generations of my husband's family. It is a joyous expression of faith that connects his ancestors to their descendants in a meaningful way. Living Jewishly, I realized, is more than following a series of do's and don'ts. It is a lifestyle we can make richer and more fulfilling through spontaneous acts that make our religion come alive. I decided that continuing the tradition must supersede my own preference. The root of the upsherin is a verse in the Torah which compares man to a tree. Just as a tree emerges from a tiny seed to grow tall and bear fruit, so a small child grows in knowledge and bears the fruit of his good deeds. Therefore, just as the Torah requires newly planted fruit trees to grow unharvested for three years and offer the fruits to G-d, the tradition calls for leaving the boy's hair uncut.
Age three also marks a turning point in a child's intellectual development. In the first months of my son's life, I saw few fruits or tangible manifestations of my child-rearing efforts. Now, however, I see the harvests of holiness and rewards of his education He actively participates in religious rituals, reciting the blessings and prayers with enough fervor to inspire an atheist. But his long mane took some getting used to. He refused to wear a ponytail or hat so I couldn't hide his growing mass of curls. As I strolled around town with my hippie, everyone commented on my beautiful girl. My modern and non-Orthodox friends were shocked that someone like me would keep such an "old world" tradition. In time, as my son grew taller and his hair grew longer, the tradition grew on me. I found beauty and meaning in it and embraced it as my own. When I explained the custom to others, most found it as lovely as I did. If they didn’t, I assured them that my son's head start on long hair would spare him from a long-haired rebellion in the teens. When strangers complimented my girl, I thanked them and demonstrated the truth by changing his diaper on the spot. I soon discovered that numerous modern Orthodox families have adopted the custom in recent years and are finding creative ways to celebrate it. Some travel to Tzfat to cut the hair at the grave of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. Others take the child to a yeshiva where the child is serenaded with biblical verses. Planning my son's upsherin was intimidating because I had never attended one. Luckily, I had a Lubavitch
Friend, Zalman Shmotkin, who filled me in on the details. He provided us with an assortment of beautiful ideas and we adapted them to reflect our personalities. We learned that it is preferable to hold an upsherin in a holy place and have a righteous person cut the hair. So we made it in our synagogue and gave the first snip to a rabbi we admire. It is also customary to dip the child's fingers in honey and place them on Hebrew letters, to bring home the sweetness of learning. Instead we had Torah-shaped lollipops, a cake with a little Torah on top and a musician playing Hebrew music. Our rabbi spoke eloquently but my son, dressed in checkered pants and a matching vest, stole the show. He stood up on a chair and sang Torah Tziva Lanu Moshe with as much gusto as a guy in a beer commercial. Then it was haircut time. Our rabbi took the first cut at the precise spot, he announced, where my son will someday place his tefillin.
The morning after the upsherin, I mailed my son's golden curls to Locks for Love, an organization that makes wigs for children who lost their hair to cancer. It was uplifting, knowing that someone else will benefit from my son's upsherin. For the next few days, I kept staring at my son, who suddenly looked older. My baby was gone, replaced by a toddler. I vowed to savor this new stage by memorizing his antics and capturing him on camera. But I foresaw the future: less kisses, handholding and bedtime stories. Eventually, he will want to plant his own garden and will move out from our house into his own. The peace and quiet I had craved when he was born will return more quickly than I had anticipated. Sometimes, I wish man was more like a tree, unchanging and rooted in time and place through centuries. But I know that is not our calling. As we grow, we travel away from our roots into new homes, friendships and careers. We aim to make our mark on the world but as the seasons change, our works are forgotten. Much of our accomplishments are as fleeting and temporary as the leaves that bloom in the spring and fall in the autumn. But I am comforted knowing of the small things we can do that are everlasting: We can plant a tree. We can create happy memories. We can pass on a beautiful custom to our children. That, after all, is the ultimate gift we can give our descendants
English Translation
…In response to your notifying me of your son’s third birthday… May it be G-d’s will that you raise him and bring him to Torah, marriage, and good deeds amidst abundant blessings…
The Rebbe's signature
I would like to quote a portion of a letter of my teacher and father-in-law, the Rebbe [Rabbi Joseph Isaac Schneersohn, of righteous memory], about the custom of cutting the child’s hair at age three: “…Concerning the cutting of the [child’s] hair, [the opsherenish]: Among Jewish customs, it is considered a matter of great importance. Its essential aim is to teach to wear Peyos [side locks]. From the day that the child’s hair is cut and his peyos left, it is customary to train him to wear a Tallis Kattan [the fringed garment known as Tzitzit] and recite the morning blessings, Grace after Meals, and the prayer before retiring to bed. May G-d, blessed be He, help you raise your child and bring him to Torah, marriage, and good deeds amidst success and peace of mind in both material and spiritual matters.”
(Likkutei Sichos, Vol VII, p. 350)
Thank You for joining us
At my Upshernish
Tzvi Meir Backman
